dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
