I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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