I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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