Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
