I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
