I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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