My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
