Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
