I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I enjoy the company of your penis
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
