Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
