Im at strip club and am horny
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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