I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
