Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
