Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
