So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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