and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
