Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
