like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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