Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
