so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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