garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
