Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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