So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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