One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
