Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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