My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
