you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize