its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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