i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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