i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
