We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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