i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
