shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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