My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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