yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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