her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
