glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
