So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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