i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
