my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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