i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
