I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
