just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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