ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think my vagina is haunted
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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