I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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