You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
