i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
