We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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