I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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