Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
