We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it because I queefed?
Farmville is her only friend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
