Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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