You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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