Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
