What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
