I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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