dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
