i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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