I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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