In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
