Moan for me like Helen Keller
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we made out on top of his cat.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
