I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
