): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
