We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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