Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Two words: blizzard sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
