i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
