so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize