He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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